This is how you run things President Trump….A lesson from Bet Lynch

 

Bet_lynch_50th

Donald,

Alright cock, I heard you just got top job over’t water and having been’t most successful landlady of  t’Rovers, I thought I’d teach you the ropes as nobody knows nowt better than me for pulling in’t punters. Get it? Got it?….Good!

As a former ‘Miss Weatherfield’, factory worker  and barmaid, I , like you, wanted bigger and better things, and landed the Manageress’ job of t’Rovers Return in 1985. (After Annie Walker retired, I was voted in by the local residents – it was a clear victory).

I was hugely admired by everyone on’t Street, so I thought I would give you a few pearls of wisdom that will help you out, chuck, cause I saw more in my lifetime before I was 20 than you’ll probably see in your entire life- and I didn’t even leave my own back yard.

  1. Teamwork – It’s always good to have people that look out for ya chuck, and it works both ways…..don’t go building any walls between you and ‘t neighbours…you never know when you’ll need a kidney. I’ll never forget when ‘t  Rovers burnt down…..if it weren’t for Sally and Kevin Webster….I’d be a gonna!  Look after ‘t neighbours
  2. Boost people’s self esteem – You ‘ave to take an interest in the people beneath ya and stick up for them in times of need, I could tell you a thing or two about when I helped ‘our Liz MacDonald’ escape from her Jim…and even though Betty’s hotpot tasted like bowl of bin-juice..I still complimented her on her efforts. It’s not all about you Mr. Trump.
  3. Empathy – A good leader stands in the shoes of their people and sees things from their perspective, so it’s no good forking out on Ralph Lauren ‘get  up’, when there’s nowt wrong with leopard print…tell Melania I’ve had some lovely bargains in C&A!
  4. Integrity -Leave the pussy alone love, if you want people to like ya, you’ll have to lead by example and stop fraternising with women.  I learned a very good lesson myself when I was mucking about with Len Fairclough….Rita and I have never really spoken since.
  5. Gravitas – How can people take you seriously when you’ve got ‘mop on ya head ….I’ve always gone for a “Croydon Face lift’ when it comes to hair styling…always tidy and kept of t’face….and twitter?- for pity’s sake love…your the President not Katie Hopkins…gerroff it!! Spend less time being a racist bigot and more time in’t salon. Our Audrey would work wonders on ya love.

I hope you take my advice, I know how tough it is starting out…but mark my words chuck, if you do as I say…one day you may be just as successful as me.

Yours Truly

Bet Lynch

 

If you like my blog, please get to know me better and visit my social media pages by clicking the links below

Facebook

Twitter

Pinterest

Instagram

 

Your blog or your wife: A lesson from Bob and Shirley

1

Bob and Shirley had been married for 16 years and to all their friends they were a happily married couple…with 2.4 children a beautiful home and ‘artex ‘ ceilings to die for.

Bob ran his own building firm and Shirley was a domestic goddess.. they holidayed twice a year and enjoyed fine wine and gourmet dining…what could be better?

However Shirley was missing something in her life, she hadn’t been intimate with Bob in months, as Bob had just started writing a blog which took up all of his free time. When Shirley retired for the night, Bob was still busy pinning his favourite posts, liking stumbles, re-tweeting and sharing.

Bob was addicted to blogging….he’d finally found his niche and had read around 426 articles on “How to make money from your blog”. His intentions were in the right place…he just wanted to get enough followers to be able to earn some money and buy Shirley the conservatory that she had always dreamed of.

One evening when the children were at Tae-Kwon-do, Shirley slipped into her finest Ann Summer’s negligee  and danced seductively behind the laptop, where Bob was busily editing a post on “How to replace a drywall’.  So consumed by getting the post finished, so that he could share on social media before the  8 pm deadline when the traffic on Twitter was notoriously more difficult to get any re-tweets, he didn’t notice her advances.

Shirley decided to confront Bob and asked him directly…..”why won’t you sleep with me?”

Bob was too tired, he had worked all day and he just had to get his post finished. This went on, night after night, week after week until a massive row ensued.

When Shirley threatened to leave Bob, he finally agreed that Shirley’s idea to go and see a marriage counsellor was a good idea, aside from the fact that he could then write a post about his experience and engage with other bloggers in the same predicament.

The marriage counsellor advised Bob to take some time out and socialise with his friends, away from the computer to alter his mind-set about  “Bobthebuilder.com” and refocus on becoming intimate with Shirley. Bob agreed to this, and as a compromise, Bob went for a night out at the “Bloggers Unite” convention. Still a tenuous link to his addiction, however, it took him away from the computer and ..well…small steps.

Bob really let his hair down with the computer geeks and Dad bloggers and one Jåger bomb led to another.

That night Bob came crashing through the door, steaming drunk and called out to Shirley..

“You …upstairs now!”

Shirley’s heart started to race and she practically fell up the stairs ripping her clothes off as she ran. Bob was right behind her and they made haste to the bedroom. By this time Shirley was naked and ready to partake in Bob’s newly- found assertion.

Without making it to the bed, Bob demanded that Shirley do a hand-stand at the end of the bed.

Wow!, thought Shirley, this marriage  counsellor deserves an OBE for services to sexual activity…not only has Bob been cured of his reluctance to become intimate….but now he wants to be kinky…..my prayers have been answered.

Shirley hadn’t done any form of acrobatics since the honeymoon 16 years beforehand so performed her hand-stand aided by her husband. As Bob approached her, he pulled Shirley’s legs apart with one hand, while he held his mobile phone in the other. With legs akimbo, Bob buried his face deep between Shirley’s thighs as her hands took the weight.

Shirley began to cry….not through sadness but from relief. For so long she had wandered whether their sex -life was finished forever.

“What’s the matter?” mumbled Bob, his face still buried in Shirley’s loins

“I’m so happy’ exclaimed Shirley, “I can’t believe that we are finally going to have sex!”

Bob pulled away suddenly, “Sex??” he asked, “Oh no, sorry we’re not having sex” he affirmed. “I met a blogger tonight from Queereyeforthestraightguy.com and he said I would look better with a Goatee, I was just trying to take a selfie so that I could be sure and pingback.”

Moral to this story: Have fun with your blog, but don’t let it take over your life ……he says