Summer Fails

Over the last few days Britain has had a period of ‘tropical weather’, which is heading for the hottest June in the UK in 20 years! Undoubtably, despite the endless Facebook updates from ‘Wincy Willis wannabes’ explaining how hot it is….and how they can’t sleep..blah blah, it is the best time of the year!

Not just because those of us without ‘ginger skin’ can get out and have a go at a sun tan, and dine ‘al fresco’, but the overdose of vitamin D is good for your physical and mental health. Evidently the same people moaning about the hot weather are the same people whinging that it is too cold in January.

That said, I do have some complaints about some of the things I see during our ‘5 day UK Summer’Firstly the traditional ‘Fat Bird’s uniform‘  is replaced by a pshycodelic maxi- dress, and open sandals showing off a lot more leg and hoof than I’d like to see. As these units pile into Sainsbury’s to stock up on Cornetto’s and party food, the rest of the general public are subjected to a impromptu glimpse of their ‘thighgina’

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   Thighgina anyone?

  • Talking of shops…Summer happens every year (to a fashion), so why do all the drinks, ice creams and all things seasonal run out of stock? Its like every supermarket manager is taken by surprise every year that they might sell more cold drinks.  All the shops are busier…where have all these people been for the rest of the year? It’s like the job centre have handed out food vouchers!
  • Having put a bit of weight on myself, I now have first hand experience of chafing!  Thigh Chafe, Belly overhang chafe, sideboob chafe. Wearing a suit to work should be outlawed immediately, nobody should be getting through the amount of sudocream than I am using to soothe the sores caused by my clammy existence.
  • Melted Chocolate!…another schoolboy ‘shop’ error… why is the chocolate always near the window?
  • People out running when it get’s past 25 degrees is not a good look. Do these people not realise that ‘everything becomes visible in their spandex when they are parading like a hot mess of arse sweat and frizz?
  • Intimate shaving is a definite downside of summer, as the weather becomes ‘vest top-worthy’ there is that unenviable task of hacking away at the winter growth whilst trying to avoid the inevitable ‘ingrowing hair’.

Here are just a few things that I dislike about summer, but it still remains my favourite time of year and if it could be summer all year round, that would suit me just fine.

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